Common Concerns You May Have

I’m afraid my child will hate me if I send them away to a program

We recognize that this is a very real obstacle for many parents. If this is a concern that you have about sending your child, it is probably because your child has learned that guilt is one of your hot-buttons and has used guilt in the past to make you feel bad about your decisions that affect them even when your motives are good. Don’t fall into the guilt trap. If you didn’t want to help your child, you would not be looking at this website. There is nothing wrong with a parent BEING a parent! You have both the right and the obligation as a parent to make good decisions for your child, especially when your child has demonstrated that they cannot make good decisions on their own. Experience has also shown us that although children may be angry with their parents for a time when they are new in the program, they virtually always end up thanking their parents for sending them to a program. Your child will not hate you for doing what you honestly believe is best for them. Once your child understands your motives, they will be touched by your love and will eventually give you credit for your wisdom. Believe it, we’ve seen it.

I can’t afford to send my child to a program

We know that cost is a serious concern for most parents considering a program for their child. We also know that there are legitimate reasons that may hinder some families from being able to afford the program. At the same time, we are troubled by the sacrifices some parents are willing to make for a nice home or an expensive car, but are unwilling to make for their own flesh and blood. Payments on an educational or home equity loan used to pay for a program are rarely higher than a payment on a nice car or truck. Realize that sacrifice is one of the essential characteristics of successful parents. Please don’t rationalize your way out saving your child’s future over concerns that you cannot afford the program if you really can. Some parents may also be concerned about the risk involved with spending a lot of money on a child when the potential results are unknown. They ask themselves, “What if I spend all this money and my child doesn’t improve or actually gets worse?” While this is a legitimate concern, the programs we represent have a documented parent satisfaction rate of 96.4%. These are pretty good odds. The more important question that we think parents should ask themselves is, “What if I don’t spend the money and my child overdoses on drugs, or commits suicide, or is involved in a drunk-driving accident, or becomes pregnant, or drops out of high school, etc. How will I feel then knowing that I could have done something but didn’t.” Although enrolling your child in a special school will undoubtedly require a significant sacrifice for your family, it will bring a lifetime of dividends in the form of a better relationship with your child as well as the joy of seeing his or her future happiness and success.

I feel like I am abandoning my child by sending them to a program

If you are looking for somewhere to send your child so that you can get rid of them, then you should be feeling guilty. Our guess is that if that were the case, you wouldn’t be on this website. Sending your child somewhere for help when you know that their situation is beyond your ability to help is an act of love and compassion. Refusing to get your child the help they need because of your guilt is an act of selfishness. If your child has a legitimate need for professional help and you decide that sending them to a residential boarding school or treatment center is the answer, you are certainly not abandoning your child. Your child may feel somewhat lonely at first, but the caring staff at the schools will help them to feel accepted and welcome. Most students make life-long friendships in a program because of the nature of the experiences they go through together.

I don’t think my child needs to be in a program for a whole year

You may be right, not every child needs to be in the program for a year. Program completion does not take a set period of time but rather requires students to meet certain criteria that ensure readiness for returning home. We sincerely hope that your child will commit him or herself to working the program quickly so that they can graduate in the least amount of time possible. Program completion should be your goal regardless of the amount of time your child requires whether it be more or less than a year. Nearly 20 years of experience working with troubled adolescents has revealed that program completion is not just a good idea, it is essential to a successful transition home. If you are unable to commit yourself to this, a program of this nature is not for you. Keep in mind that the problems your child is struggling with developed over an extended period of time and will probably require a significant amount of time to be remedied. Although sometimes appealing, a “quick fix” solution is usually an illusion.

I don’t think I can stand not seeing my child for several months

We recognize that it will be difficult to be separated from your child during the initial phase of the program. However, if you think about why you are considering sending your child to a program in the first place, you will realize that the pain of this brief separation is a small price to pay for having a strong relationship with your child and to being able to see him or her happy and progressing in life. This initial separation is not arbitrary and has a definite purpose. You and your child have certain issues that need to be dealt with individually in preparation for a new and improved future relationship to be created. When you see your child again at your first parent child seminar, you will fully understand the wisdom in this and will be grateful that you trusted our experience in guiding the growth process.

A residential program seems a little drastic, do I really need this?

A residential program is not the right solution for every situation. However, a residential program offers several important benefits over day-treatment or outpatient options that you should carefully consider. First, in a residential program, the staff get to know students individually and get a more complete picture of all aspects of their behavior because they see them in a full range of situations. This allows us to address the “real” problems vs. the fake personality some children portray outside their own home. It also makes it possible for us to gain your child’s trust and become a positive influence for change. Second, a residential program creates a complete change in the environment and removes your child from the often overwhelming pressure to conform to the expectations of their negative friends. In addition, the change in the environment disrupts your child’s comfort zone and places them in a situation where change must occur. Third, a residential program creates a healthy appreciation for home and family. Fourth, it provides the consistent structure needed to facilitate growth. Fifth, it provides the separation and space needed to for families and teens to work on their own issues without the stress and distraction of interpersonal conflict.

Why do parents have to attend the seminars?

Parents do not have to attend the seminars. However, parents who do attend the seminars gain a wealth of knowledge that will help to create a deeper, faster, and more sustainable change for their child and their family. Also, when parents attend the seminars, they familiarize themselves with the concepts and terminology that their children are learning and can continue to remind children of principles learned long after the program is over. When a student sees that their parents are attending the seminars, it lets them know that their parents’ level of commitment is very high. It also shows them that their parents are willing to admit that they may be part of the problem and that they are willing to change and become part of the solution. When a student sees their parents’ commitment and humility, they are much more likely to put effort into the program. The family is an interactive system. If one part of the system is not functioning properly, the entire system is in failure. We strongly believe that every parent who goes to the seminars with an open mind and a willingness to learn will walk away with new insights about themselves and their family situation. Many parents gain an entirely new perspective on life and experience a major paradigm shift as a result of attending the seminars. Don’t miss out on the amazing opportunity to attend the Premier Educational Seminars.

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